to cure oneitis

April 3, 2008 at 6:15 pm (randoms)

Definition of oneitis from urban dictionary:

Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. “Go **** ten other women” is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this “disease” (hence the “itis”), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.

In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it’s just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don’t be depressed. Because there’s really not much to worry about.

i was having a swim at the clubhouse, after using the gym for a bit. i got out of the pool to get a drink from the cooler, and ran into the gym trainer who was just returning from the bowling alley.

he eyed me up and down. (something that he does quite frequently, and i would have thought he was gay if he wasn’t the gym trainer)

“i want to train you up to participate in bodybuilding competitions.”

i stare at him.

he continues. “your front is quite good already, but i want you to work on your back; your lats, you know?” he proceeds to take off his shirt to show me his lats.

“do you run alot?” “erm, i used to, in ocs. but not since i got the stress fracture”

“…cos your legs are in pretty good shape already. but with some more training, you can tone them to become like mine” proudly showing off his tree-trunks-for-thighs legs to me as he speaks. “squats should do the trick in no time”.

now a physique like that if i were superman would be very well and fine, but honestly speaking i have NO PLANS whatsoever to turn into a human beefball. the gym trainer, on the other hand, has never quite accepted this reality. every time i meet him in the gym its always all about another one of his (deluded) fantasies about how he is going to turn me into the next Manhunt body beautiful.

“i dont want to be a bodybuilder, i just work out to be like, lean, you know what i mean?”

“actor? model? you need a good physique for that as well you know..”

“im too short. and im not good looking enough to be a model”.

he gives me a look of disapproval. “well after you are done with army, make sure you come down to me for proper weights training. i can make you bigger!”

“uhh ok.”

i threw away the cup in hand, plunged back into the deep end of the pool and swam away before he had the chance to continue.

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