Student Has Trouble Guessing Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Password

March 1, 2009 at 6:09 pm (randoms)

DAYTON, Ohio—Mark Pryor, a car decal technician and avid X-Box player, has simply run out of ideas when it comes to guessing the Facebook password of his ex-girlfriend, Laura Hughes. The college student has tried everything from butterfly2011 to BradPitt69, all with no success. Laura ended things with Pryor two weeks ago citing “family issues” and “like, a lot of stress right now.”

“It just totally consumes me, bro,” Pryor says while typing furiously. “I can’t live my life anymore. I’ll be trying to get some sleep and suddenly spring up thinking, ‘holy shit, I think she said once she liked the movie Crossroads, I better go try every combination of that I can think of.’ But I’m never right, man. I’m never right and it’s eating my soul.”

The most frustrating part of the ordeal for Pryor is the knowledge that he once knew Laura’s password and had regular access to her Facebook’s private messages.

“It’s changed now, but she told me her password back when we were dating. It was Timberlake788, and the ‘T’ was always capitalized, that was the important part. Most people would forget about the uppercase ‘T’, dude, but not me. I memorized that shit. I was probably on her Facebook more than she was in those days. I never found anything bad because she was my angel. And the fact that I can’t get in there now is killing me.”

Recently another boy began posting comments on Laura’s wall, which has only enraged Pryor further. The new boy has gone as far as giving Laura virtual gifts like a teddy bear and a rose, each costing one dollar.

“Some hotshot douche bag is already moving in on her,” Pryor said after trying different combinations of every single character on the sitcom Friends. “He’s all posting on her wall being all like, ‘I want to see you soon,’ and ‘I love your new profile picture.’ And then the gifts. Give me a break. If Laura just wants to date some guy cause he can afford to give her virtual one dollar gifts then, you know, whatever. I can’t afford lavish things like that, but bro, I got heart, you know?”

Pryor has tried viewing the new boy’s profile numerous times, but it’s inaccessible to him. All he knows is that his name is Doug and he wears a “really gay hat.”

When hearing about her ex-boyfriend’s daily struggle, Laura can’t help but laugh.

“Oh my God, what a loser,” she says. “So glad I got rid of him. And trust me–he is going to have a really tough time with this one. But it’s not impossible. Tell him that my password involves something I said to him when he was playing video games.”

A confused Pryor then tried “ijusttoldyoumygrandmadiedwhyareyoustillplaying,” and “whensthelasttimeyoucutyourtoenails,” both to no avail.

“She’s teasing me man. Straight teasing me. This is what girls do, man, and it’s why, for me, it’s bros before hoes one hundred percent until the grave. They get inside your head and just pick at you. I bet you it’s something so simple. I bet you the password is the most simple thing in the world, man, and one day I’ll find it. I’m going to see what Doug’s been saying to my girl over private message, and then I’m going to take care of shit, that’s what I do.”

Laura assures everyone that there’s no chance of her and Pryor getting back together.

“Maybe we never would have broken up if he had spent less time on his X-box and more time worrying about his ex’s ‘box.’” She smiles. “Anyway. All I did was make the ‘T’ in Timberlake lowercase. Wait. Oh my God, please don’t tell him that.”

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