Mind Controlling Parasites Part I: Leocochloridium Paradoxum

April 7, 2009 at 8:32 am (randoms)

Leucochloridium paradoxum is a parasite that has an impossible dream. Luey, as it shall henceforth be known, begins life literally in a puddle of shit. But Luey dreams of flight, and the method by which it achieves it is both complicated and fucked-up beyond comprehension.

First, knowing how much some animals love to eat shit, Luey lies in wait in his fecal puddle until the vacuum cleaner of nature, more commonly known as the snail, comes around to slurp it up.

Once inside the snail, Luey enacts the next part of his ingenious plan. Knowing that birds aren’t too fond of eating slimy snails, he migrates to the snail’s eyestalks and begins to stretch and change them into something that looks much more appetizing to birds: caterpillars.

The eyestalks that are usually so well-guarded and often retracted by the snail, are now pulsating, swollen and brightly-colored morsels of imitation caterpillar meat. Wait, it’s not done.

Now is when Luey hacks into the snail’s brain. It takes complete control, driving it like a little, slimy car out into the open so all of the hungry birds in the sky can see and swoop down on the irresistible caterpillar-like eyestalks.


Kind of like this.

Once inside the luxuriously spacious and soaring bird, Luey is free to feed on its insides, grow into an adult and reproduce knowing that soon, his babies will be shat out of the bird like he was, to start their own rags-to-riches lives. Meanwhile, the poor and confused snail is less one eyestalk, but has learned the hard way that eating shit is always a bad idea.

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