Most Badass Man vs. Beast Showdowns Part 2: Daniel M’Mburugu Ain’t Nothin’ To Mess With

September 1, 2009 at 3:18 am (randoms)

People tend to only know Kenya for two things: Guys that are awesome at running marathons and dangerous animals that are awesome at eating guys that run marathons. Are the two connected? And if we want an American to win the Boston marathon next year, should we unleash some jungle cats during training? Might be worth a shot.

The guy in the corner is timing his lap.

Anyway, while normally your speed tends to decrease with age, Daniel M’Mburugu was not like most 70-year-old Kenyans. He was instead the African Clint Eastwood, a dude so tough you could sharpen a knife just by holding it in the air next to his face.

One day, Daniel was minding his own business tending to his potato garden when suddenly giant spotted death in the form of a leopard lunged towards him, probably thinking that it had some easy pickings on the way. Unfortunately for the leopard, Daniel wasn’t taking any of Death’s calls that day (play some metal right here for the ultimate effect).

As the leopard lunged and knocked him to the ground, Daniel’s seven decades of life told him exactly what he had to do: Rip the bastard’s fucking tongue out with his bare hands.

Get up, go to the soda machine, then come back to your desk and read that sentence again. Sadly, Craig Clasen’s friends weren’t there to take pictures.

Badass Rating: 10/10

That’s right, Daniel scores a perfect 10 on the badass scale, if for no other reason than one we haven’t mentioned yet.

“A weapon? No. I only use this for whittling.”

That’s right; Daniel had a machete at the start of the fight, but he dropped it because the voice of God told him to kill the leopard with his bare hands.

We may question the wisdom of a God that would say, “You know what, don’t bother with the machete,” but then again, would God not want the more awesome story?


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