Animals That Just Don’t Give A F#@k

January 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm (randoms)

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Some animals are boring, and that’s fine: They’re all gathering nuts or looking for mates or marking territory or some stupid shit. Hey, you know, whatever floats your boat, squirrel. And then there’s the honey badger.

Pictured above: Snuggles incarnate. We’d name him George Clooney and feed him a diet of peanut butter and hugs.

Now, murder from concentrate:

Oh, and hugging is a bad idea; they attack the testicles first. That’s just how the honey badger rolls. Here are other ways the honey badger rolls:

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Guinness Book of World Records have named this species the most fearless animal on earth, and it’s not hard to see why. In that one, short video, you can see a honey badger chasing a leopard away and climbing a tree just to attack a cobra — presumably because it looked at him funny. But the perfect example of the honey badger’s inability to give one hot shit comes around 2:15 into the video: One particular honey badger got hungry, so he went to find a nice meal. Now, he could snuffle around in the dirt all night, looking for the safest food source, but that sounds hard, and it might take a while. So instead, he opts to piss all over the very concept of survival instincts, and just eats the first damn thing he comes across. Unfortunately, it happens to be a puff adder — one of the deadliest snakes in the world.

The badger stumbles across the snake midway through its own meal, so what’s a badger to do? Why, steal the food straight from the death-serpent’s jaws, of course, and then sit down to eat the snake’s stolen meal right in front of him, while he furiously spits and hisses. When the badger finishes the snake’s dinner, he’s still a bit peckish, so he walks right over to the still-furious snake and mauls it to death, sustaining multiple bites in the process. Ignoring the deadly poison coursing through his veins, the badger settles in and starts eating the puff adder. Tragically, a few minutes later, he collapses.

And so ends the story of this honey badger, who died as he lived, spitting in the face of mortalit- what’s that? He’s back up? Holy shit! Two hours pass, and the badger miraculously resurrects himself from apparent death! He’s been given a second chance at life! A second chance to …

Go right back and continue eating that snake.

Skunk + Chuck Norris = Honey Badger

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2 Comments

  1. jeslin said,

    ehhh cool stuff!

  2. imaginedream said,

    ehhh gross stuff!

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